The munchkins in my life are my world, which is pretty obvious to anyone around me.
You only have to look at the pictures on Facebook, steal my Blackberry or look at my desk at work and you’ll see the adorable little faces of my nieces and nephew staring back at you. They make my world a better place for sure and I can’t imagine a day of my life without them.
I love every moment of being an aunt and enjoy spoiling them (when I’m allowed), perhaps even purchasing the girls matching Threadless shirts so they can be just like their “Aunt Mouse,” calling them my minions, having them complete evil deeds for me and then promptly handing them back to their parents. Sadly, the time that I’m given to do that has been less and less over the last little while as family dynamics have changed in the last year.
But a lot has changed in the last year and I’ve changed a lot in the last year. I’ve also found out a lot about myself in that time, things I didn’t realize before, and my priorities have shifted.
Thanks to my tireless quest to fix my broken brain and other parts of my body, I visit my doctor quite regularly. Sadly, this also means I’m a guinea pig for various medications. When trying one thing, we discovered another problem that gave yet another doctor cause for concern and off I go for a bunch of tests I didn’t even know I needed.
And suddenly things change.
A year ago if you had asked me if I wanted children, I would have told you no without batting an eyelash. Today, if you ask me again my answer has changed. Ask me if I can have them, though, and that answer isn’t as easy.
All of this craziness has told me that I have polycystic ovaries, a common occurrence among women that causes infertility. Although my symptoms don’t appear to be as severe as they could be and I shouldn’t worry “for now,” but I should follow a stricter diet (the doctor suggested to resume a paleo diet) as it is associated with insulin resistance/diabetes, which will make it harder to have children.
Much like a diet or any restrictive behaviour, you want something so badly when you can’t have it or you’re told “you can’t.” From the moment the doctor told me this was a possibility a few months ago until he confirmed it, my formerly dormant biological clock has been ringing non-stop. I am now like Tick-Tock the frickin Crocodile.
I know things could be much worse for me and I’m very fortunate that the outlook is at least hopeful in terms of having children one day when we decide we are ready, but I am shocked at the prevalence of the disorder among women today, the process that they have to go through and the expense of medication and treatments to conceive a child when you are not able.
So now all of my priorities shift If I want to plan for little people of my own, it means careful planning when it comes to food and exercise. It means putting myself first and really meaning it or not being able to realize that goal in the end (or making it really difficult for myself).
I know this isn’t a horrible thing and there are a lot of great and uplifting stories of women with PCOS who have beautiful families. One day I hope to be one of them. Until then, I’ll do everything in my power to be healthy and happy to ensure that happens.