Five Reasons I Will Never Date a Runner

When you’re single, people tend to give you unsolicited advice on how to find a man.
I mean, not everyone does, but there are “kind souls” who think you’re obviously broken and in need of help attracting the opposite sex as they most certainly fear that you’re going to be a lonely cat lady for the rest of your life. Luckily for me, I’m not so big on the animals so you can all rest easy in that respect.
But a “pretty girl” like me should apparently be shacked up with 1.2 kid by now and explaining to people about my busy life only leads to comments like…
“Why don’t you date a runner?”
Well, let me tell you why I hope to never hook up with someone who runs:
  1. Runners talk about running: Honestly, I’d rather have a guy talk to me about baseball or technology or books. I get enough run talk from my friends at run club, which is fine as that’s what we predominantly have in common. I need someone to engage other areas of my brain.
  2. Runners are competitive: I’m sure I can find multiple areas in which to do the whole “I’m better than you/I win/Nyah Nyah” routine with a guy. Running doesn’t have to be one of them. I am a tortoise and I don’t need someone who will probably run at a significantly faster pace than I do telling me that he “slowed down” out there today doing what is MY race pace. Plus, I want someone to say “Congratulations!” when I get to the finish line and not, “Wow! My time is 30 minutes faster than yours!”
  3. Runners run in crazy weather: I know this because I’ve been the idiot in a snowstorm or downpour and then whined about it later. Nobody likes a whiner. I would rather have someone give me an excuse to stay home under the covers where it’s warm and dry.
  4. Runners have a lot of gear: From race shirts and medals to accessories and gadgets, runners collect a lot of swag and items they deem necessary to complete a run. Let’s not even talk about the laundry! I’m not willing to share closet space or have more crap invade my space. And heaven forbid we have the same race shirt and wear it on the same day.
  5. Runners sometimes wear spandex and/or short shorts: This is something I never want to see on a man that I care for. EVER. I know this doesn’t explain my Lance Armstrong obsession, though. Ah well…
I’m sure I could thing of a zillion other reasons if I really tried and all I’d be doing is describing MYSELF, so there’s no hate on for runners here. I’m just interested in finding someone who isn’t me. So thanks, but no thanks.
What are some other characteristics of runners that would be a deal breaker for you? Black toenails? Scheduling time together around runs? Vacations only to race? Share with the class.

Image source: Stock.XCHNG


Laura said...

Hmmm....My hubs and I are both runners...and our good friends are runners. But it doesn't consume our lives. (that sounds weird but true) My hubs and I are totally different runners and not competitive with each other. I like that we get each other's pain, highs/lows, races, joy and even laundry that running gives us.
We run when on vacay...but we also do the fun stuff as well. We aren't THAT nuts.

Amy said...

Love this post!

Laura said...

This post is funny! I am relieved to know that you will not become a crazy cat lady.

My hubs is also a runner. It started as something we could do together. Now we never run together. We go to and from run club together, and go out to eat afterwards (sometimes) but he is much faster than I am and I am okay with that.

Like Laura said above, we understand each other with the laundry and the accomplishments and the races, and the pain and the triumph. I am very lucky that he "gets it".

What it does mean, though, is that on the rare occasions when we do run together, it is at my pace and it's just for fun, which is why I started running in the first place.

P.S. Boo! to well-intentioned (or not) spontaneous love-life advise-givers.

marie said...

These are reasons *I* won't date a runner.

I get that a lot of you are married/coupled/what have you and your SO runs, but what I'm reading is that a lot of you picked it up as something to do TOGETHER.

You didn't date a runner. Y'all became runners after the fact.

Am I right?

MatthewNCampbell said...

You are so ignorant and petty haha.

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