Every Monday morning, I go up to our dining hall here at work and have breakfast with 3 or 4 coworkers. Despite working together for a somewhat smallish organization, we rarely see each other as we work on either side of a building separated by a lovely outdoor space. It’s nice to catch up and find out more about one another as you technically spend more time with your coworkers than your own family.
Our dining hall is also a place where students from the surrounding university have breakfast, too. It’s fun to watch the sleepy heads stumble in for a bite to eat before heading off to classes or back to their rooms to study or sleep.
This morning, I found myself focused on what the crumpled clothes they’ve donned and looking at what they’ve put on their plates. And then it hit me…
When will I EVER stop obsessing about food?
This is my constant struggle. I constantly see “skinny” people come in and can easily eat a muffin, a bowl of cereal, yogurt and fruit in one sitting. To me, that’s a huge portion that would show up on a scale for weeks, but for them it doesn’t show a thing (well, to me, the outside observer).
Now, one might think this is more of a hate-on for skinny people with fantastic metabolisms, but to me, it only highlights my ridiculous relationship with food. I don’t have any issue with their size, nor do I want to be them. I just want what’s on their tray without any consequences.
THAT is a problem.
I know I’m totally of the mentality that I have to eat it all now or else it will go away. In the past, I have tried to justify buying larger bags of goodies as I can save them for another day only to end up eating them all at once. I have the biggest problem in not purchasing the appropriate, single serving size or only taking a single serving from a larger container.
I am WELL AWARE of the problem.
A friend once told me that I had to stop looking at food for pleasure and instead look at it as fuel. I tried that last year and had success, but how does that curb sudden cravings and temptations at every turn? It really doesn’t and that’s how I’m back on this seesaw of weight loss, going up and down on the scale every week and having a love/hate relationship with food.
I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with me trying to figure out what triggers this all and maybe I’d finally get to the bottom of this mess. But I don’t think that’s in the cards. But I also know I’m not alone in this struggle…
So, good people of the interwebz, how do you cope?
How do you repair a dysfunctional relationship with food?