I have the day off today and I'm going to attempt to go to the gym, a place I've only been to maybe a handful of times this year but they gladly take money out of my bank account every other week. It's a place I WANT to go to but I just haven't fit in my schedule. So I'm going to go, even if it's to only stand on an elliptical for 30 mins and say that I was ACTIVE. It's the action of getting in the door and repeating it a few more times a week before it will become a habit again, a habit I need over the next few months to keep me going through the winter and get me back on the mend.
And exercise and running can be therapeutic and cathartic, and I need them for my health, both physical and mental. It's a great way to clear your head, shake out the stress of a bad day and just have some "me" time.
So when this stupid e-card from someecards.com was put in front of my face yesterday, I went on a bit of a roller coaster. At first, I was a bit pissed. I mean, on a day where tens of thousands of people were running one of the best marathons in North America, I thought it was the stupidest thing imaginable. Most people running that race have probably never been fat a day in their life. In fact, their probably some of the best athletes in the world, as that is what that race attracts.
But then I remembered that there was also a large percentage of people there who are just members of the New York Road Runners club or had bought their way into the event and were just like me; recreational runners who come from all sorts of backgrounds and they just want to challenge themselves on a daily basis.
So maybe that card is true. I know why I run and it does help me on MANY levels. And running does help me heal old wounds. I was thinking about it last night. I don't think that I have any of those participant ribbons from track and field qualifiers from all of those years of elementary school. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those ribbons they give you when they make you run 100m, 200m, 400m and see if you're "good enough" to compete at the city-wide, county-wide or whatever event that is set up for your school board or district. I would always manage to escape, be sick or offer to help out on those days because I just couldn't run. Now, I have more medals than I know what to do with that make the most obnoxious noise every time I go into my linen closet. So running does help me get through a lot of things. I'm so grateful for every race that I can get through upright and smiling.
Fat kids are used to being the punching bag and the punch line, but this one here is over it, mostly because she is not the fat kid anymore and is nowhere near the skinny bitch either (I'm just a regular bitch, thanks). Crossing the finish line rid me of a lot of things like some of the bullies that still haunt the corners of my mind. I know I'm "good enough" to do whatever I set my mind to if I just put one foot in front of the other.
But thanks for the card.
It was sweet of you to think of me.
Not to add insult to injury, but do you run to prove something
to someone or just yourself? Are you running to "heal" something?