4/28/10

A Glimpse at the Past...

Although I may have said I'd take pics of my food to post today, and I did start to, my coworker gave me the weirdest look when I started snapping away at my hardboiled eggs and applesauce yesterday morning, made an odd comment and I quickly stopped. It made me think about all of the things I've stopped doing in the past for fear of not being accepted. Not being liked. Not being NORMAL.

Is that why I choose to lose weight?

Do I need to?

Yes and no.

Sure, somewhere inside of me vanity always plays a role in motivating me to achieve my weight loss goals. I'd be lying if I said it 100 per cent DID NOT. But my health has always been my priority. It's what started me down this path. The migraines got me to the doctor at the beginning, the high blood pressure and cholesterol got me on a weight loss and exercise plan, and the stupid frackin' asthma keeps me trying to maintain some semblance of a healthy weight because it becomes increasingly harder to breathe as the pounds go up.

But I caught a glimpse of that girl in the mirror the other day.

I decided to dig out my gym card from the recesses of my wallet and actually grace it with my presence on the weekend. Work and life in general had prevented me from going since February.

So as I was standing there doing some free weight work in front of a mirror in the quietest spot I can find in my busy gym, I started over analyzing my body, as I'm prone to do with reflective surfaces (which is why I do NOT own a mirror besides the small bathroom mirror that came with my apartment).

And it hit me:

  • The gap between my thighs is coming back. Granted, it was never a huge gap (this is where you make jokes about me being loose, that I should close my legs, etc. Hopefully Jainey tells the story about when Santa told me to close my legs. That was a gem!), but it's noticeable to me.
  • I'm starting to get that sinewy look back in my upper body. This is where I lose all of my weight first and my chip bowls become even more pronounced and my arms become more defined. 
  • With that, the fly-away skin comes back under my arms. Fun times, I tell you.
  • My face is much thinner and my dimples are deeper.
  • I. Have. A. Waist. Again.
I stood there for awhile looking at myself (well, until I became aware that other people saw me staring at myself and that whole cycle of me worrying about how other people see me started again...), and it got me thinking about EVERYTHING that I've gone through in the last year to date. Because this time last year, my contract had just ended and I was sitting at home looking for work. I was going on countless interviews and being told I was second best. I was trying my best to be brave, keep exercising and eating right but nothing was working as my body just clung to everything for all it was worth. And now, despite all of the stress life is throwing at me and the unsettled feelings that foods are bringing me, things are pretty fantastic. I have so much to be thankful for. And things are looking good.

It's staring back at me as plain as day and I can't deny that. 

5 comments:

Christy said...

What a great post. FIrst and foremost, I am thrilled that that's who you saw looking back at you in the mirror. Secondly, I love people saying how things are GOOD in their life (too often we complain instead of thinking of the good things).

What a feel good post!

Amy said...

Awesome post Marie.

I'm getting back there too... and I cannot say. I'm liking it.

PunkRockMom said...

I big puffy heart this post. Warm fuzzies first thing in the morning. Thank you:)

sunshine! said...

That was an incredible post Mouse.......makes me want to stay focused on my journey too. Thank you!

Kat said...

Thanks for your comment on blog Marie! I'll definitely see if I can make it over at the RR on Sunday.

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