Disguising the Truth

No, this isn’t an admission of fake scale pictures (despite my Photoshop prowess, I don’t think I could *actually* do that…), I’m talking about the ways in which I’ve tried to hide the extra weight that I’ve put on.

Only I see the sad little dance to fit into my pants every morning. Only I see the deep red marks they leave in my gut after a long day. Only I have to deal with the seams that reach their breaking point from being stretched too far and for too long. I even had a conversation with my adorable little dad the other day who was shocked to hear that I’m in the 160s. But then again, this is the man who didn’t believe me when I said I told him that I weighed more than him at one point…

Generally people just see me in lycra and hoodies. God bless lululemon and their stretchy pants for giving me the ability to go out most days, but it’s not right, I tells ya! The pants have a function, and it is NOT every day wear. I know this. But they’re the things that fit so that’s what I gravitate to. Sadly (or on the plus side, depends on what you think my ass looks like in these pants), yoga pants and hoodies aren’t exactly business casual, so I’ve had to dig out the cardigans to hide bulges and bits that don’t want to stay confined under what pants and shirts I have that “fit.”

But why do I have to do this? Why can’t I just suck it up, go buy the RIGHT size clothing for my current weight and be COMFORTABLE in them like I am in yoga pants?

I am stuck in a single digit size mindset.

I’m lucky that I kept a few pairs of pants that were a 10 just because I liked how loose and comfy they were, but now they’re definitely painted on. I know it’s not a pretty sight but I think that I’m just too scared to go shopping.

I mean, do I pick up a size 12 or will I be a 14? Do I have to find something with stretch to go over my thighs? Will the sales people sneer at me when I ask them to find me a bigger size because I’m so frickin clueless? Will I discover that I am actually back to a plus size? Will everyone hear me if I start sobbing uncontrollably?

It’s so sad that vanity has taken hold of me to the point where I am afraid to shop. I’m a woman for crying out loud! This is our sport! Our favourite pastime! I should be out there with conviction, direction and confidence, armed with a ridiculous amount of plastic to swipe and weighted down by bags o’plenty. Instead, I’m a deer caught in headlights, standing at the threshold nervously, debating whether or not to enter each store.

WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?!

GAH!

But I have to remember that the "pain” of this is temporary. That I’m on my weigh way back down. Things may be tight for awhile, but I can’t deny the fact that I’m putting myself back on track and things will fit again.

I WILL be able to shop in my own closet again.

I don’t deserve this

So I’m down almost a pound this week.

In the middle of the week I was down more than that.

The problem is that instead of tracking and watching more portions, I thought that ignoring it would be a better idea for the sake of having a social life. A couple of dates, the Gourmet Food and Wine expo and Sydney’s 8th birthday party included foods I probably should have stayed away from…but I didn’t.

So I could have done A LOT better this week. But there aren’t any do-overs. We accept and move on.

I’m NOT upset with the number on the scale (well, I should be because it’s still higher than a couple of weeks ago), but I’m disappointed that I KNOW I could have done better.

I can’t use events and social activities as an excuse, though. I’ve done this all before and somehow made it to goal. I know that planning all of my meals is really key to my success and I’m doing just that. I just need to leave more room for the unexpected but still make wise choices.

I’ll get under 160 by the end of the year.

I promise.

I deserve THAT.

A pinch of this and a dash of that…

Tagged. Sarah. Awesome. Rules. Get. ‘er. Done.

I present to you 10 random and honest facts about…the food that I eat.

Come on! You didn’t expect me to ACTUALLY follow the rules, did you? Silly rabbit.

1. I am a bit OCD about my meals having to consist of a protein, a starch and a veggie serving. I can’t do chicken on a salad unless I am having bread with it. I won’t eat pasta with JUST sauce. It needs chicken or beef on top. I know, I’m crazy.
2. I will always choose a meal at a restaurant that features broccoli. It could be something perceived as gross like liver and onions, but the fact that broccoli was mentioned in the description is what will win me over EVERY time. I will also steal it off of your plate if you have any. Just warning you.
3. I am NOT a fan of fruit. Bananas and citrus fruits give me headaches, I find, so I avoid them like the plague. The rest are just guilty by association. However, I do FORCE myself to eat an apple with my oatmeal every morning just to get at least one fruit serving a day. Fruit in pies is a-ok with me, though.
4. I was saddened to discover that pumpkin is a fruit. I so want to boycott it but I can’t. It is just too good. As were the pumpkin scones that I made last week. I ended up throwing out five of them, though, because I didn’t want to eat them and they were going to get stale/gross.
5. We all know that I’m a big boredom baker, but this weekend I replaced it with creative cooking (more so because planning and cooking my meals in advance has always been the key to my success). I decided that I wanted to make gnocchi but not just the regular kind, so I did. I had extra sweet potatoes from making Cuban-style pork stew yesterday, so I baked the others in the oven, added an egg and flour and *poof* – sweet potato gnocchi. I haven’t eaten it yet, but we’ll see later on this week just how well it turned out!
6. I am so a creature of habit. I rarely deviate from my oatmeal and cottage cheese breakfast. But, with breakfast available to me Monday to Friday, I’m trying to mix it up by having a hard-boiled egg and an English muffin (see, protein and starch) a couple of days a week.
7. Unlike most people, I LOVE mixing up my food. And I don’t mean variety on my plate, I mean literally throwing everything in a bowl and swirling it around. Like having ground beef with peas and carrots mixed into rice, or creating a mess of Christmas dinner by adding veggies to my mashed potatoes, throwing in hunks of turkey and stuffing and topping it off with gravy. Tastes. So. Good. Looks. So. Gross.
8. I order the same thing every month when my parents and I go out to dinner at their favourite little restaurant in the east end – lasagna. In fact, I remember when I was a kid, my mom would go into that restaurant and ask them to make a tray of it for my birthday dinner. I don’t typically order lasagna anywhere else when we go out to eat, but I always have to have it there.
9. If you’re selling a product that involves peanut butter and chocolate, I will buy it. It’s also my favourite ice cream flavour. Sadly, I’m not supposed to eat peanuts/peanut butter anymore because I’ve found that they too give me headaches. Sometimes I don’t let it stop me, though, and I head over to the Baskin Robbins @ Church & Wellesley and pick up a container of it. And then I wonder how I gained so much weight back…
10. Growing up, we were never really adventurous in terms of food. My mother is Irish and tends to stick to burnt meat and potatoes for meals, so I was raised on a lot of that. It wasn’t until my first job where my coworkers were from Ethiopia, China, Malaysia and Korea, that I really experienced dishes from other countries (beyond the Canadian Chinese food restaurants in the beach(es) and the Filipino dishes at various high school friends’ “debuts”). Now I constantly crave things like chapchae and palak paneer.

So, what curious food habits do you have? Things you can’t live without? Things that you wouldn’t want to ingest even if I paid you to? Hit me up or play along…You’re it.

Facing the Music

DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!

The dreaded number that appeared today is 166.1. The clever ones will note that the number displayed is a couple of pounds up from where I was a few weeks ago before Duracell did me wrong.

I am perfectly happy to see that number (although, my scale was acting really funky this morning and showed 148.1 at one point, but I knew it was just being a frickin tease so I tried again). The period of adjustment from my couch back to the working world was rough at first, but I’m managing now.

But you don’t really want to read that. I know you’re here to see what the scale showed me last week that I was so reluctant to post.

Well, here it is. I think I did pretty well considering I had a big fancy dinner on Saturday night and did go slightly over my points. Oh, and pardon the blur but I think you can appreciate that I didn’t want a perfect picture of this…

Yup! That’s right! 170 last week. Looking back, I wasn’t that out of control to warrant such a number, but since I wasn’t tracking for two weeks, I guess it’s possible.

All that I know now is that I am on track, planning, journaling and making good choices. Things are bound to go my way if I choose.

And I will choose wisely!

Planning Your Future

So far this whole work thing has been fairly good to me.

Walking for 40 minutes a day and getting me far away from my couch has me oozing positivity.

There are down sides, though.

See, my new position is at a university. The building that I work in has a residence attached and there is a dining hall directly above my office. Staff members are entitled to partake in the breakfast served daily. It’s a continental breakfast including muffins and pastries. Oh, and waffles on Tuesday.

Then there are community dinners on an almost weekly basis, usually featuring Korean, Taiwanese and other Asian cuisines. Totally delicious.

Today there were trays of treats with brownies, squares, and banana and carrot loaf passed around after an association meeting.

This happens at least once a week. 

So just like the students in the dorm across the cloister, I am now afraid that I will be gaining the freshman 15.

My saving grace has truly been planning out my meals and tracking. This week, I made a Mexican rice casserole as well as a chicken meatloaf that way I’d guarantee myself 6 POINTS only for lunches/dinners and allow myself a little bit of wiggle room should an unexpected treat tray arrive at my door.

The digital devil is even impressed, showing that I’m down a considerable amount since the Monday meltdown, even with a surprise invasion of a cranberry bliss bar thanks to a co-worker the other day.

Now I just have to make it through a dinner event tomorrow night unscathed.

Clearly I went into PR for the food.

Sigh.

Only Bad & Ugly

I got batteries for my scale.

The picture was anything but good.

I’m so disgusted that I’m not posting it.

It is THAT ridiculous.

But I will post it next Monday next to that day’s weigh-in.

I promise.

Er…what day is it?

Yeah. So I realized that yesterday was Monday and I didn’t keep to my promise.

You can see why at right.

I forgot to get batteries.

Is it an excuse? Probably, but it just wasn’t the first thing on my mind in the past week.

Have I gone overboard in the last week? No. I had two pieces of hallowe’en candy and went out to eat once. I should be a-ok for next week.

But then again, I have a big period of adjustment to face in the coming week, so hopefully we’ll only see good things next week.

But you’ll have to wait until then =)