Sometimes, your past comes back to haunt you.
In my world, it’s usually a guy that I have hung out with, dated, etc. that will come out of the woodwork, ask to see me and then disappear again. It happens more than I’d like to admit, really.
But in the last week, the only person that’s been coming out of the woodwork to haunt me is my former self.
See, it all started with the crazy chiro and our discussion about weight loss. When I said I just wanted to be back to where I was again, he said, “well, you don’t need to get that low again.”
I laughed at the time but wondered what the hell he meant. I never felt small, I never looked small in the mirror, what were people seeing?
So then I was facestalking someone who I had a crush on but rejected me (my own fault because I had treated him poorly in the past when he didn’t deserve it) and stumbled upon pics of me at his birthday a couple of years ago.
Ok. So maybe I was small.
Oddest thing was, I remember thinking that I was the fattest girl in the bar that night yet, sitting down and never moving, and constantly adjusting my clothes to make sure I was all covered up.
Yup. I was completely unaware of my warped body image.
So back to guys coming out of the woodwork. I reconnected with another guy who I had spent time with around the same time the picture that’s been bugging me was taken. He said I looked great, and although I was flattered, I told him that I unfortunately gained some weight. Why I said that, I have no clue. Probably insecurities, as always. But his answer: “well, you were really small then.”
Lord love a duck!
I can’t win! I want to be back in that range because things were easier. I could run faster, I was eating better,and was healthier overall.
But now instead of worrying about just getting back in a range NEAR there and I have to worry about people thinking I’m too small and unhealthy?
HOW exactly can I achieve both?!?!?!