It was the fear that made me odd…

But not having a fear of the quiet made me fat.

Most of the time Jillian Michaels makes me roll my eyes. I’ll still listen to her Sunday show but usually feel like I’ve heard it all before somewhere but she makes it more palatable for mass consumption with her “rockstar” status.

But I digress…

A couple of weeks ago she talked about someone not taking training breaks for the fear of the quiet and still. They push through pain and make themselves busy to avoid the thoughts that come up when we’re all by ourselves.

And I got it.

Loud and clear.

It was THAT fear that I lost awhile ago.

I went from the busy to the quiet and got REALLY comfortable. I was surrounded by people, activities, and noise where I was happy and healthy. But then I burrowed down in my solitary life with just my thoughts to keep me company.

But the weight has joined that party too.

I NEED to realize I can’t be to myself all of the time. I mean, I can, but I should get out into society and do my thing, even if it’s all by myself.

Existing beyond the walls of my apartment are key. I need to put one foot in front of the other and go.

Sure, it’s all obvious, but it is what got me here. Sitting here and reading, not running. Watching tv rather than weight training.

It DOES add up.

I just have to do the subtraction now.

But first, I need to add pants.


Tundramunkie said...

Ouch, Mouse. You cut me to the quick on this one.

I always told my friends my dream job was to be a hermit.

If it weren't for work or errands, I'm not sure I'd ever leave my nook. I love being outside, but that front door always looks soooo heavy. Too heavy to open, most days.

I need to remember how to go outside and play.

Sarah said...

I have a similar thing. Sometimes I think that I would be content to never wear "real" clothes, and just live in jogging pants and hoodies all day.

But when I do that too often, I suddenly realize my jeans don't fit anymore...

And I'm finding that it's true in BOTH the literal and metaphorical sense...

Lainey said...

I am also a hermit. I sometimes worry that I'll turn myself into an agorophobe just by not making myself go out, even if I don't want to. But I feel like I've done something with my day if I've left the house, so I need to do it more often.

I also don't like wearing pants and avoid it whenever possible. Which certainly puts a damper on me just running out the door on the spur of the moment.

Lindsay said...

Yup - I totally agree with losing this fear. Even on my holidays I get up and drive my boyfriend to work. He thinks it's so I can have the car when he's at work but really it's to get me out of the house and away from the sofa.

Angie All The Way said...

JM has the same affect on me. I do roll my eyes at her a lot, but there are other times when she says something when I'm not expecting it that totally rings a bell in my head.

Lucas said...

I used to be sucked into my couch too, spending way to many hours with my face in a bag of chips in front of the boob tube. It used to be so hard to lace up and hit the bricks for me! But once I got going, it always felt great. Then I got to a place where I couldn't sit still and the thought of being on the couch instead of working out was revolting. I have no idea how I got from one place to the other, I wish I could bottle and sell it, I'd be a zillionaire! But I just wanted to put out there that sometimes, things change and that it won't always be so hard to get out of the door. Of course, you already know this from previous experience so I'd also like to tell me that you have been a huge inspiration for me along this journey. I may not comment too often, but I have often thought to myself that if Mouse can do it, I can do it. And I AM, doing it! Thanks to you and others like you. Now get out there and kick some ass!!! :)

Mary said...

This is so true! Thanks for posting it...I have to admit that I kind of adore Jillian, BUT, can see where she gets tough to watch. The idea of creating a busy life to avoid the questions, the fears and thoughts that come up when we are still and silent...is scary! I don't want to avoid the hard issues by doing too much, it's just another way to fill the void. Thanks!!

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