Like a fish out of water

I'm flailing, failing and spinning out of control. Despite going back to running five days a week, I'm up. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY up. I Just Don't Track And I don't seem to care that my midsection is spilling over my pants. That I have to wiggle to even get into them. That I EVERYTHING jiggles when I run. That I can hear my flap hitting other parts of my skin. And that even my lululemon pants are starting to look like sausage casings. Now that is scary. I can't even cry in my state of self-pity and self-woe. I don't deserve to shed any tears over my own carelessness. I'm trying to pinpoint the reasons as to why I'm eating mindlessly and I think I have it figured out. I am definitely depressed...about a lot of things. I just find it so weird that someone whose profession heavily involves writing, can't mark down her daily food intake on paper. It's not like it's going to be put out there in the public for criticism. It went in my yap and I need to be accountable. Now, I don't want any *there, there*s or butt kicks or what have you...I want to know what has prevented you from caring and tracking in the past.? What is it that has stood in the way of your success? How did you overcome it? plzthx! :)


Nia a.k.a. Genea said...

Oh Mouse! I'm trying to figure this out myself! What has stood in my way? You know... How have I overcome it? I haven't... yet... I hope to have closure in April. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my muffin top in check... so far, not working very well!!!

Sarah said...

I don't have any help for you, just to let you know I'm in the same boat. If I don't track, my weight goes up. If I do track, my weight goes down. It seems simple, no? Then WHY am I having such a helluva time with it!? :(

P.S. I miss you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Marie, de-lurking to offer my own experience. I had a similar problem and I changed up the way I ate. Instead of grazing all day: apple at 11, yogurt at 2; granola bar at 3:30, I started to eat 4 meals at specific times each day. And every "meal" had at least 200+ calories. For example: breakfast at 8, lunch at 12, 2nd lunch at 4 and dinner at 8. The bigger meals made me feel more satisfied and routine of structured meal times got my head in the right place about mindless eating. Good luck to you

Vickie said...

You are not alone - we have all been there. Hugs!

I ditto what Amanda said - eating only at meal time (whether that was 3, 4, 5 meals) is what roped my eating in to a manageable level. Then I worked on eating portions and then I worked on eating evenly from the food groups.

For me personally - I came to the conclusion that it was easier to eat set portions and never count. And that is what I do.

So, breakfast is dairy, fruit, grain, protein.

Lunch and dinner are protein, starch, veggie, veggie.

And snack is fruit and dairy.

for me (speaking for myself only) this was a pretty easy transition because I feel strongly about only eating whole foods as close to their natural state as possible.

I found that I didn't have to worry about tracking - if I wasn't eating things that had a million different ingredients.

Most every thing that I eat has ONE ingredient. By not eating processed - my food got very, very simple.

I did not move this way over night - it started a little bit at a time -

And - I know several people that do count calories but made themselves flash cards. They made up cards with the things that they liked to eat for meals - with all the counts listed - so they just pulled cards to track their food.

For example:

Breakfast might be oatmeal and a yogurt and an orange

lunch on the go might be an apple and a cheese stick and a fistful of dry roasted (no salt) peanuts and carrots.

dinner might be chicken breast, small baked sweet potato, green beans and a salad.

So they have cards made up for those specific combinations listing the counts. It would also make shopping, preparing and having an idea (in advance) of what their meals are for the day.

They didn't sit down an make a million cards - they just started with one meal and built their deck from there. This makes a LOT of sense to me - because I think most of us eat the same basic combinations over and over. My guess is that most of us have under 20 combinations.

Are you just eating on the fly - daily? No plan? I think that is an easy trap to fall into for single people.

I said this the other day in a post:
self sabotage
self protection
begins with the shopping cart
and I believe it.

PS - I also think that once run-away eating gets started - the taste buds come to expect certain kinds of (non)food - and that is a vicious circle. . .

Espressomama said...

Boredom! I just got tired of doing it. And a little (lot) bit of self pity - why can't I eat what I want. Unfortunately, when you get tired of tracking and working out, your ass gets bigger. And I've let it happen at least 3 or 4 times. I'm a chubby, slow learner.

Beanie said...

Oh how I can relate to your post. Before my last job I could do the ww "thing" without journaling. I was so "Roni" at that point. I was active, had definition and felt good. Then I took THAT job and went to hell. Now I'm back to journaling, been at it for a couple of months. It is helpful to see where I can make changes and weird to see the scale fluctuations. I can't say I've lost any significant amounts in this time but I have maintained. I know what I need to do (cut out the snacks and get moving). I'm plugging away and not losing hope. I wish for you the same!!!

Haley said...

Yep, I totally relate. For me, it's usually that I'm upset about something, and I just don't have the will to take care of myself properly while I'm emotional for some reason.

I can do it when I'm stressed.

I canb do it when I'm busy.

I can even fight the boredom munchies.

But when I'm sad or angry about family stuff or boyfriend stuff or what have you, I throw my hands up and open the fridge and numb the pain. A therapist will someday get lots of money out of me...

Bri said...

Oh I hear you. I hadn't really really tracked in about 4-5 years, despite many attempts to restart. And my weight has gone up and weight loss attemps have largely (ha!) failed... But I have reformed and now log everything that goes in my mouth thanks to the "Lose It!" on my iPhone. I know its not cheap to have one...and I didn't get it for this purpose. But its always with me, you don't even need internet or cell connections to log, and the interface is superb and way easier to use than WW-online. (Plus, you can track a lot more than calories.) This app is free and also works on the iPod Touch, so if you are the type to always have your iPod with you, it may not be a bad option!

Anonymous said...

Hi Babe: I understand your pain, we live similar lives, and have the same genetics, poor us. Depression, gets the better of everyone of us from time to time. I have a strong feeling as to what is dragging you down at the moment. Use your writing skills to get the feelings out. Write till you can't write anymore. Then hopefully you can put food intake as number one again. Believe me, I know, I have just gotten back on the wagon myself, and the only way I could do it was to make food number one. Family relations play a bigger role in our lives than we actually realize. So, for me, when I hurt, I write and write and write, I never let anyone see my writing, why, because they are for my healing and my healing only. I'm behind you, beside you and in your court everyday. Love

Heather said...

I'm also trying to get out of this 1.5 year "Rut" I have been in. First I blamed depression and poor finances and now I'm happy and back on workterm but can't seem to snap myself back into it.

Going to start slow with trips to the gym next week, followed by TRACKING! I need to track or I don't lose!

H-woman said...

Hey Mouse,

I hit my goal weight the morning my dad died. I maintained for just over a year until I actually started to deal with the feelings....and then I also started to eat those feelings. Got things back under control (sort of--still not back to goal, but closer and maintaining again). Then my cat died (she was 20).

And I ate those feelings too.

And I also eat when I'm tired instead of going to bed.

Big hugs!

H-woman =)

Jen said...

I don't you don't want this but *hugs*...for your benefit and for mine because I am in the same boat (depression, weight gain, etc.)

This week I practiced tough love with myself...and not just being hard on myself, but being hard because I am worth it and I deserve it...it seems to be working!

Christy said...

I don't track when I'm not fully ready to commit. I trick myself into thinking I am doing the right things by exercising, eating healthy food etc... but the journalling (for me at least) is the true key sign that I'm back at it. And I know I only pull out the journal when I'm back 100% and stop kidding myself that I can go on without journallling.

Good luck!

Sarah said...

Sometimes I just get tired of tracking, I really don't like the fact that I will have to track for the rest of my life. But I hate being fat more than tracking so that's how it goes.

Mostly when I don't track its because I'm exhausted, didn't get enough sleep, kids were difficult that day and I 'reward' myself with eating. I figure I worked hard today and I deserve to eat whatever I want. But than I get back into those fat jeans and think, gheez this isn't really worth it. Its a constant battle for sure.

Angie All The Way said...

I often think that it has to do with the idea that there's an ultimate "end" to the counting and tracking once you get to goal. You were kickass enough to acheive your goal and then you faced the struggles with maintenance for a long time! I still catch myself assuring myself that "once I get to goal" I won't have to refrain so much bla bla, but that really isn't as true as much as I would like it to be and I know that just by following you on your maitenance struggles and others the same. As much as you don't want to trade in the feeling of being at goal, or being trim and fit for any food, there comes times in my head that I just feel plain sick and tired and DONE with it because it consumes my ever friggin thought at times.

But then I realize that it's going to consume my every friggin thought if I did turn around and quit too. Feeling depressed on top of it all would make it all that much worse :-(

JODI said...

sometimes it's just plain laziness - i won't track what i had for dinner and then next day, i don't track what i had for breakfast... yada yada yada... soon, i can't remember anything 3 days later and kick myself every time... and since i'm paying for eTools - i have no reason NOT to track so that's my incentive for now... after that, we'll see what happens... :)

Erin said...

I don't have much in the way of ideas for you, but I am in the same boat. I feel like crap about myself anf I KNOW what I need to do - I have done it before! But I can't. I won't. I am not sure why either. I DO know that part of it is the depression and feeling bad about myself. It is definitely a cycle and it gets harder to jump out of it. I think that in the past if I can FORCE myself to get on track for a week or two and see something in the way of results that it helps me to keep going. But is is not easy!

Amy said...

Wanna hear my personal favorite thing about my flap? On realllllly long runs, it gets kinda sweaty.. and then I get rashes. Hot eh?

I lube it up in body glide now.

Mel @ A Box of Chocolates said...

hi mousearoo...I hear your frustration and am sorry that it has been so rough to track your points. Sometimes you just gotta do it!! I've been trying to think of something that you may have written that seems to be the problem. Do you think it has something to do with you now living on your own??

Nadia said...

I can sympathize with how you're feeling... I was 0.6lbs away from goal last week and am now closer to 6lbs away. I know how to do it, it's just a matter of doing it! Let me know if you discover anything that works for you.

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