Surviving

I'm up two pounds. 164.8 It's actually a lot better than I expected. My scale showed more than that last night before my weigh-in, but was back down to 162.3 this morning, after a day ON PROGRAM yesterday. I just need to focus on my life again and not the drama and grief I've been surrounded by. I'll get back to normal soon. I promise.

The hard road ahead

Well, I was down 5.8 at my meeting last night bringing me to 162.8. It's a GREAT thing, but I don't feel like celebrating it at all. I fear that I will eat my face off in the coming week with all of the family gatherings that are to come this week and next. I probably won't be around much in the coming week, but I want to wish everyone a happy and restful holiday. Enjoy every last moment that you spend with family and friends, making memories to last you a lifetime. hugs and kisses, mouse

You. Are. Loved.

I lost a loved one today. She was my aunt, my god mother, the big sister I never had and a friend. She was daughter, a mother, a sister, an aunt and a great aunt. I don't know what life will be like without her laugh, her stories and her spirit. I love you, Aunt Sheelagh. ♥ Your Mini Me.

So this counting thing works, eh?

Who knew? Oh wait, I used to. It's great when you rediscover something. It honestly is like second nature once you get into it and are MOTIVATED to do it. It's hard resisting all of the Christmouse candy that my secret Santa brought me this week, but I've tracked every last gummy. Craziness, I tell ya! And my scale is letting me know it's a good thing. I think it may be drunk after too many cups of holiday cheer, but it showed me at 163.1 this morning. Pray that I don't mess it up before Tuesday, will ya? :)

Sometimes You Have to Suck it Up

And admit that you need help. So off I went and joined meetings last night. And it wasn't so scary after all. Why? Because the leader was the adorable Lindsay, a success story and board member who I have talked to online FOREVER but never met. Kind of like you guys :P Jumping up on the scale in front of her was just about the easiest thing I have done. And I'm not ashamed of the 168.6 that came back. No, sir. Why? Because it's not staying around here for long :)

Dear Santa,

Sigh.

It has been a VERY good year but the last few months I have been VERY bad.

Last year I asked you for a wii and you didn't come through. I was le sad but I still love you. So this year I'm hoping to get something EXTRA special.

I want my WILL POWER BACK, DAMMIT!

See, it visits me for two days and then *poof* it disappears again.

I'd like to have a long-term relationship with it, if possible. It's not too much to ask for, right? It's not like I'm asking you to bring me Mr. Perfect or anything because that would be a tall order!

...Yeah, definitely tall ;)

Thanks to my will powers Houdini act of late, the size 6s are sitting in the closet untouched and my muffin top is protruding over every other pair of pants that fit. I'm even back to doing that funky chicken dance to get into a pair of jeans (don't laugh - you've done it too).

Right now, if I could wear lululemon pants to work, I would.

So please reunite me with my drive to eat well and exercise and don't let it tease me anymore.

I promise to buy it a shiny piece of bling and make it mine forever.

kplzthx!

*smooches*

Mouse

I don't usually do the contest thing

But A LOT of us could use this one and the blog is written by someone for whom I have a great deal of respect and admiration. Bargainista is giving away THREE Conair Infiniti Nano Silver Steam Straightener and a pack of John Frieda products. Check out how you can win here and banish bad hair. And even if you're not interested in the contest, add her to your reader or follow her on twitter. Eden has great reviews and the scoop on sweet deals.

Just in time for Christmouse - REINDEER GAMES!

So I've never been tagged in a meme like this.

I thought it was cute...like a certain someone who tagged me :)

There are rules, blah blah, standard stuff that I ignore...

So apparently I'm fabulous and I have to list out FIVE of my FABULOUS addictions...

1. The public library - I eat books. Seriously (not literally, though...that was kind of punny in a way...gah!). If I were to buy every book instead of getting them out at the library, I would be a poor, poor mouse. Four down last month, two on the go this month.
2. Starbucks - I don't think I need to say much more :P
3. M A C makeup - The number of eye shadows that I have is frightening and I wear two different shades every day.
4. Hats - I wear them all weekend because I hate doing my hair, especially now that it's shorter. I just counted and I have about a dozen hats. You'd think I was a guy.
5. Twitter - Although I don't update it myself often, I love reading the musings and conversations of people who have a common interest.

So what are you addicted to?

Seen and Heard

Who: Me, of course, and a smiley cashier Where: Shoppers on Yonge at Charles What: Purchasing holiday chocolates in three varities When: 5:24p.m. on a Thursday night Why: Because my secret santa recipient said she liked peanut M&Ms...and I thought I'd get some goodies for some family members too How...is your frickin customer service?! "Ooooh! These will make you FAT!" the checkout lady says. *blink* *mouth drops open* *blink* Did that seriously just happen? She realizes her gaffe and back peddles a little, but I stop her. "I'm trying to make other people fat. I have enough winter padding, thanks for noticing." She smiles politely. Merry frackin' Christmouse.

'Tis the season

To be given copious amounts of free food. Let us reflect on the last 24-hours:

• Tim Hortons at our holiday news conference
• Staff dinner hosted by my manager with pizza, fudge and wine
• Buffet breakfast in our office building today
• MORE pizza for a staff awards ceremony at work for lunch today

I think I will have steamed broccoli for dinner today.

By the way, I appreciate each and every comment from Monday's post. I KNOW that you identify with me. We've all been there before.

That's why I still write. I love that you GET me.

It's no secret

That I am NOT a fan of Oprah's. I dislike that she doesn't have reactive questions to her guests, instead LOOKING like she's waiting to ask the next one on her list. I don't like the big frivolous giveaway shows and the fake tears. Although, I did enjoy that episode where Tom Cruise made a fool out of himself :P But today, I kind of like Oprah. The person and not the mega-I-have-more-money-than-God-celeb. Why? Because she lets people inside her life and her head, and by telling the truth sometimes, makes her...gulp...human. She's telling people her weight in an upcoming issue of O Magazine. Being completely honest about cracking the 200's and her dieting past, present and future. But it's this line, mentioned in an AP article today, that hit home for me and made ME identify with her:

"I definitely wasn't setting an example," she writes. "I was talking the talk, but I wasn't walking the walk. And that was very disappointing to me."

I'm nowhere near a celeb, but I feel like a fraud a great deal of the time too. I'm hiding a 20lb over goal gain. Actually, I guess I'm not hiding it anymore. Hmm, maybe Oprah and I have something in common after all :)

GBU - Sicky Poo Edition

Good - I am on the mend. WHEEE! Bad - I was without a voice for most of Saturday AND Sunday. Ugly - Only realizing you lost your voice when ordering at Starbucks. Good - Occupying your time instead of sitting sick and bored on the couch. Bad - Occupying that time with baking. Cornbread, anyone? Ugly - My smoke alarm going off every time I use my oven. It's conspiring against me. Good - Christmas parties at my uncle Jim & Brian's house Bad - The cheese tray at the Christmas party at my uncle Jim & Brian's house Ugly - Me standing next to the cheese tray at the Christmas party at my uncle Jim & Brian's house Good - Bored out of your tree, you venture out to purchase a few presents and figure you'll just use your Visa for now. Bad - Realizing at the cash that you put your card on hold earlier in the week when you misplaced your wallet (that you found under your desk two days later). Ugly - The cashier's reaction to said mix up that you try to explain with your pathetic whisper. T'is the season to be jolly not crusty and judgemental, sweetheart.

You look like HELL

Really? Thanks! Because that makes me feel so much better about dragging my sorry behind out of bed this morning to come to work. Now, if you only had a cold, would you stay home from work? I'm torn because I have one coworker who is adamant about me going home as it's for the benefit of the "unsick" in the office. My view on it is, if I am able to get up, get dressed and function (somewhat) as a normal human being, I have no need to be home. Besides, I'd just end up baking cookies, watching tv and then eating all of the cookies. So. Not. Productive. So what are your thoughts on the matter? *atchoooooo*

Dear WeightWatchers.ca,

Why must you screw with my head? It's bad enough I have a cold and someone appears to have spilled something WET on my office chair today (without leaving a freakin' note). Why did you have to choose a frickin' Wednesday to introduce something new to us? What the flippity flop is this momentum plan of which you speak? Why must you change everything on me? Actually, from what I can see, you're just letting me carry over APs and encouraging core...actually, did you do away with core altogether? WHERE IS IT? Why are people freaking out on the boards? AHHHHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! Either way, I can't tell my head from my arse today. Please help a mouse out. Smooches, Mouse

WHEEEEEEEEE!

That is all :)

Education from an Educators' Conference. Go fig.

Work conferences often present topics that aren't really applicable beyond the walls of our offices. Working in public education, it's interesting to find some of the topics presented are transferable beyond my little cubicle. We had a gentleman by the name of Shaun Belding come and talk to us about bridging education and action. The focus of his presentation dealt with what motivates us into action. He asked us to look at something that we've been avoiding but needed to be done. I, of course, thought of the extra weight that I've put on and have yet to even attempt to deal with. He asked us to write WHY we're avoiding it and then all of the positive "payoffs" that would come with accomplishing the task. Frankly, the avoidance list was embarrassing. It pretty much boiled down to me wanting to eat whatever I wanted and because I'm afraid to miss out on the social aspect of work, I'm joining in on lunches out and other gatherings. But the payoffs are huge; health, feeling comfortable in clothes, confidence, happiness because of improved self-image... WHY THE BLOODY HELL AM I NOT TRACKING? Our motivation to complete tasks comes from either pain & fear or hope and pleasure. I am afraid of being left behind, to be mocked for eating "like a bird," and not being able to go to that party because I have to get up early to go to the gym. But the joy that comes with completing a hard run, the satisfaction of cooking a healthy meal and the sigh of relief when pants go up WITH EASE, they should outweigh the fears. In order to find my motivation, I need to:

• Know my outcome
• Make it real
• Outline a plan
• Sell the first step

I know I can maintain my goal weight. I did it for two years before falling apart (just a bit).

Pictures and clothes make it real.

I can plan my daily meals and allow myself room for MINOR slip ups.

I don't need to be sold on anything. I've bought the farm before.

I just need to remember how to milk the cows.