I shake my head too

Why is it when women get together, they have to one up eachother about who is bigger than who, who has had it harder than the other, who is in a worse situation now than another? I am an outsider to it all. People look at me, the shell of me, and think I'm a-ok. I have nothing to complain about because I'm where they want to be. PFFFFFT. They can't fathom the "fat" (I literally shudder typing that word, you know that, right?) me. I show them a picture but they don't accept it. I tell them about before weights or size 20s at the age of 16 and they just shake their head and won't accept it because the girl sitting before them is anything BUT that. But this girl sitting before you is you. She's just like you now in your youth. But she was never fortunate enough to wear the size 4s you so proudly talk about when you were in high school. She never got to wear the cheerleading outfit you did. She never dated the rebels like you did. She NEVER WORE A FREAKIN BIKINI. I just don't get why people make it a big deal about how they were thin and now they're not and I can't understand. Well, you're right. Because I was big, now I'm a relatively normal size but I can't possible fathom doing all of the things you have in your lifetime. Do I win the I'm worse game now? Is that what we were playing? We need to learn to appreciate the things in life that we've experienced; thick, thin, healthy, bikini-clad or fully-clothed. Appreciate who you are and your health. Because when you lose sight of that, you can win the I'm worse game. And that's not a game you really want to win in my books.


Jen said...

I will just have to shake my head too...I can't play those games anymore...I don't feel sorry for people who feel sorry enough for themselves!!!

Mel said...

It drives me crazy when you get together and the whole talk is about losing weight...while we eat and drink of course!!

marie said...

Don't get me wrong - I just constantly feel like I'm the one who is the fraud in the group.

Like I don't belong because I don't fit the "fat" profile now while everyone does and they all have a thin past.

I can't identify with people and can never win when I speak up.

So I shut up because it just earns me eye rolls and head shakes.

I still learn a lot from lovely ladies from sitting, watching and listening though. :)

Girl with a Problem said...

Women are weird aren't they? I think it starts off as trying to make others like us by making them feel better about themselves - "Oh my butt is so much bigger than yours". Then - because we're as competitive as the men in reality - we start trying to outdo each other in that and it becomes nothing about making the other person feel good, or making them like us, it's about winning. We've gotta win. Even if we're competing over who is the fattest/ugliest/etc... Women are weird for sure. I know I have had my moments.

Re the pictures of the 'fat' you and people not believing it was you... One of my triggers to get serious about losing weight was when 2 co-workers saw a picture of me when I wasn't fat and went on and on about how they couldn't believe that was me. They said it didn't look like the same person. YIKES! I knew I was bigger, but I still had the mental picture of my old self in my head. I thought I looked the same - only bigger.

It kind of freaked me out. It must be just as weird to have people do it in the reverse and I'm sure no matter how flattering they may intend it to be (because you are thin now), that it doesn't always feel that way.

Personally, I try to avoid talking about anyone's weight unless it's a compliment. Then I just say they look fantastic. No going on about how huge they used to be, or how they don't look like the same person, etc... Just, "you look fabulous!"

I also am the only person at the office that doesn't go on about my 3 friends that have 25 pounds or less to lose and have started WW. All of the other larger women are heartless to them - and behind their backs. One of them told me on Friday, "Don't you just hate it when the skinny bitches go on WW?" I just said that I wasn't planning on stopping when I reached 25 over my goal weight, so why should it be any different for them. Is it really necessary for someone to be 100 pounds overweight to be accepted? That sucks you know.

I think we should all challenge ourselves to really watch what we say to other people - even the thin ones ;) Maybe it'll catch on.

marie said...

*sigh* I love when you leave comments :P

Anonymous said...

Im not sorry, because I know Marie The mighty mouse is my friend...

your one and only

Donut King

marie said...


How many donuts did you have for breakfast today?

angsellis said...

I am very sorry. I never meant any harm.

Laura said...

Because weight loss is such a huge accomplishment and takes so much work, one can forget that not everyone they meet will know/remember the way they used to be. I still see myself much heavier than I actually am now. I have to remind myself that not everyone knows that I've lost x amount of pounds.

People see you as you are now and assume that's how you've always been. I've often caught myself saying, "wow that woman is so thin." Then I catch myself and say, "she probably has to work at it as much as I did." We're so quick to judge. I still see myself as the fattest girl in the room.

The fact that people didn't believe you when you showed them the photographic evidence makes me shake my head, too. You have to realize that that's about them and not you.

So who's worse? Well, I wouldn't want to play or win that game. What's the prize? Poor health and aching joints? No thanks. Not feeling comfortable in your own skin and trying to find clothes that just fit, not even flatter you? Someone else can have that prize, too.

Oh yeah. And GO SKIRT!

Candace said...

OK - I'm just so much better than ya'll 'cause I've got a slender phsyche. That's right - I'm banishing fat girl - for-ev-er. Mind, Body, Soul. Now, I need to make a plan to do that and stick with it.
Great post Marie. We really do need to focus on the good stuff.

Amy said...

Well said Marie.

I've come to the conclusion that I'll never in my lifetime wear a bikini. And you know what? I'm totally 100% okay with that. Hell, I'm a little on the chubby side but I know that I'm healthy. My ticker is strong, my sugar levels are fine (diabetes is high in my fam) and my cholesterol is bang on also.

Its not so bad being me. And cheerleader outfits make me puke in my mouth.

Mandy said...

Fantastic post, Marie. I completely hear you on this one!

marie said...

I just want to reiterate that the ladies I was with should not be bashed in any way shape or form.

I admire, respect and adore them.

I learn so much from them every time I am with them and hope to be even a tenth of who they are.

I just wish they could see how strong, beautiful and amazing they are.

Anonymous said...

I didn't have any donuts I had mango instead.


anna said...

sheesh mouse, this one made me shed a tear (and ponder a bit, too). thanks for the perspective.

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