3/16/08

Gains in other areas...

Lately I can't seem to shake the extra weight that I've gained. I don't know if it's that I can't stay on track like I have before, exercise as consistently as I have before or eat the right types of foods as I have before. It's not like I'm completely out of control. I'm .5 above my goal weight as of my last weigh-in which is perfectly comfortable in my books. I wouldn't even sweat anything around 150 as I am still HEALTHY which is all that matters. But I admit, sometimes vanity does rear its ugly head. And then I get a wake-up call from wonderful ladies who help my gain perspective from my minuscule gains on the scale. Although I'm 10lbs more than the lowest I was last year and .5 more than my goal right now, everyone sees me in a different light. They see me as a goal they want to be. Not to put myself up on a pedestal or anything like that as I don't think of myself as some god (notice small g), but in that I have traveled down the same road they have, hit the same bumps they may have and somehow made it to the final destination and managed to have an extended stay at hotel goal. Sometimes people appreciate the situation they're in, sometimes people get cocky and slack off (*cough cough*) and sometimes they whine and complain about how they still have room for improvement to get even MORE attention about how great they look. Sadly, I come across as the latter but I do have room for improvement. I look great with clothes on but horrible naked. I took a picture of my saggy skin on my stomach yesterday just to prove it to people because I was sick of people telling me I should just shut up because I look good. Well, if you're feeling brave, take a peek and tell me how that looks "good". I feel bad that I actually sort of snapped when one person made a reference to how small I was at a TO WW gathering last night only because I felt as though I was made to feel bad about being at goal. I'm still not used to being this small and see myself as the same size as everyone else there. I struggle with the same body image issues as they all do. Sure, I may have fewer issues in wearing a tank top or can buy pants in single digit size, but I yank up my pants when I stand up to tuck in my belly flap and worry about finding shirts that will give a little when I lean over so you can't see all of my loose skin. But I do understand where they're coming from. It's like when I tell people with straight hair how I would trade places with them in a heartbeat. We never appreciate what we have and always want what someone else has. We want to be in someone else's place, 10 steps ahead of where we are now, at our goal, seeing our efforts pay off NOW rather than later. I want them to be here too. Because I've gained not only perspective, but a lot of friendships, and to see 10 of them succeed like I have would be so much better than a 10 lb loss for me on the scale.

19 comments:

Heather said...

What a great post! Thank-you :)

Sarah said...

I feel you on this ENITRE post. From the stomach flab, to snapping at people, to slacking off a bit. You wrote, what I have been feeling a lot recently. Thank you for sharing!

Shirls said...

I think your inspiring, amazing and beyond a great role model and I'm not saying that just cause, I'm saying that because I truly appreciate when someone gives it to you straight up, no sugar coating, no hiding the reality and I admire you for all you do because you do it all so honestly.

Mandy said...

I hear you on all points. This was a gut-wrenchingly honest post and I thank you for that. I too have the loose skin and it is very hard for me... thanks for posting that picture.

Love the honesty - admire it and respect it. Thank you for that.

Claire said...

Maybe the loose skin (from which I also suffer) is a good thing. It helps to remind us how far we've come, and to keep us humble (????) I don't know.

My husband says "I know you'll be happy if you look good in clothes." And since he's one of those wonderful guys who has loved me even when I was my heaviest, I think he'll keep loving me in my loose skin suit ('cuz I've still got aways to go, doncha know).

I'll be stoked to get my perfect body in heaven. Makes this one a little easier to bear. :-)

Smartphone said...
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Vickie said...

You might well be the bravest person that I have ever met - thanks for the tummy photo. I know that you RUN - what other exercise do you do? I find tummy photos to be very interesting - we (and our tummy fat/skin) are all so different as we drop weight. My own belly fat was my motivator ALL the way down - I hated it so.

Maria said...

Thanks, Marie.

For the record, I think your body looks strong and perfect. Loose skin just means you're miles (literally, having run there) from where you started. :)

Jen said...

I am in agreement with all, thanks for this post!

And I think you are brave for posting the pic...I do that "self deprecating" stuff as well, someone tells me I am little(er) and I say, "but look at these hips, or this ass" - which I secretly love because it isn't flat any more!! - but I can't just take a compliment...

I think your tummy is your badge of honor, you may not display it but I think it will always keep you in perspective...

I see your body as strong and healthy which are two things I aspire to be...even if my "goal" is miles away from yours (higher lbs)...but you earned it, I wouldn't trade it for a second because I need to earn it too - I look forward to joining your club one day!! (and I mean that in a good way!!)

Randi said...

Dude, I'll take you up on that hair trade.
And don't feel bad about shit. Vanity, grass is greener, snapping at other people. Whatever. It's cool. you're human (and more than that, a woman, extra rights)

TrixieBelden said...

I loved this post! I feel for you and can relate, like many others have said. I hate that anyone made you feel bad because you are at goal. I was self-conscious when I started going to WW meetings because I felt so big and I was finally, publicly, admitting I wanted to do something about it. Now I'm self-conscious when I go because I'm at goal and people give me looks like I shouldn't be there. I can't imagine how I'd feel if someone actually said something.

I guess all I can do is give you a virtual hug and let you know that we are all here for you! :)

katieo said...

Great post Marie!
"They see me as a goal they want to be"
That's the thing that gets me. I just try to always remember that a lot of what other people see has more to do with them than you.

It's funny, as I've decided to lose this last little bit of weight after waffling forever about it, I seemed to have attracted some of the, "You look fine. Don't lose any more weight. Like yourself just the way you are." type of comments (mostly in real-life).

I'm not immune to it, but I've noticed I'm most successful when I can tune *most* of it out. Whether I want to slack or want to push myself, the more it's up to me, the truer I feel.

Sara said...

Good post. Hard post. Leave it to you to just take it there - good on you!

Love your tummy b/c you know what it is flabby skin b/c there is no fat there. It is a daily reminder of your accomplishments! Hell I wish I had that loose skin rather that the flabby tummy!!

You are a rockin girl with so many things to be proud of!

marie said...

Thanks everyone.

Oh, and it is mostly skin as I have to LEAN over to show you that. I stand up and it looks *mostly* flat with the exception of the apron I chose NOT to show you because I'm sensitive about it plus I know my brother and former coworkers read this blog.

I just wanted people to know that I don't have the hot, flat stomach that everyone thinks I do.

But I'm fiercely proud of how far I've come.

Candace said...

Marie, you're just amazing. After 2 kids I'd never post my tummy pic - I don't think. Never say never, huh?

Jj said...

Great post! you've spoken for a lot of us, look like! Best of success to you.

Angsellis said...

You should be proud for all you have accomplished and I think you are beautiful, loose skin and all!!! You are a huge inspiration to me and seeing you share this about yourself just solidifies that!

marie said...

mwah - ♥ ya, ang :)

Shrunk said...

I thought you were stunningly gorgeous in the TO Gathering photos that were posted. You looks so teensy tiny and beautiful. I couldn't help but to stand up instantly and compare my tummy with yours in the mirror beside my desk. I guess it really is just a reminder of how far we've come hey? I hope to have mine removed one day, maybe you will too :O)

You're awesome.

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