5/14/07

lose weight, gain confidence but....

how do you grow self-esteem? Increase positive self-image? It's funny how we talk about how much more confident we are as the pounds fall off (which I whole-heartedly agree with), but it hasn't really helped me with my outlook on me. I find I am more confident in the way I walk, the way I dress, but I still don't find I feel so great about myself or can see what others see. Yesterday, someone on the boards mentioned something about not being able to take a compliment, something I struggle with all of the time. When I was out running yesterday morning, we somehow got on the topic of plastic surgery and loose skin. I mentioned my scary belly because one of the ladies knows how I'm on weight watchers and how much I've lost. The other lady really didn't have a clue about my past so she was full of compliments about my running, my fitness level, my body shape, etc. I just tittered uncomfortably. ...yes, i typed tittered. I have no problem talking about how much I've lost and how far I've come, I'm FIERCELY PROUD of that. I'm confident to talk about health and weight related issues and try and give people direction, but once they start throwing back anything beyond congratulations and job well done, I seriously want to run and hide. I have come a long way from the girl who used to have to psyche herself up just to talk to people on the street to write an article in university to having little trouble making a presentation in front of prospective clients, but I still walk down the street thinking either people are criticizing me because I shouldn't be wearing that tank top or showing so much skin or I'm still that overweight girl who was invisible to everyone, hiding behind protective layers of clothes and blending into the background (unless I was in the way). Don't get me wrong, I learn to love my body more every day, but there are days where you compare yourself to others and it squashes that warm and fuzzy feeling you were building. That's why I don't quite GET when people tell me I look good, because I'm always thinking about that flap of skin underneath my belly button (I've accepted my big thighs and loose skin on my arms). I am a clothed, confident person, yes. I think compliments though make me feel naked...which makes me think of the ..uh...not so nice parts of me. GAH! I don't know where I was going with this anymore, but I'm sure some of you have similar outlooks...

11 comments:

~paige~ said...

urghhh i totally hear you on the confidence and self esteem issue. i actually find that is why i self sabotage half the time. my confidnce is low and i kind of feel like i am scared to change that fact. screwy.. i know it

Jen said...

I just can't get passed that you wrote "tittered"...*shakes head*

No, I hear you, I have NEVER been this hard on myself...I, too, am so proud of all the things that I have done and am happy with the way I feel physically, but i pick myself apart in the mirror, and I always hate giving people "food advice" because I think that they are thinking "well what does she know, she still weighs over 200 lbs"...some may be thinking that but others respect my opinion because they know where I have come from...

I hear you mouse...just know that we are all amazed by you (I will just remember not to compliment you...I hate the naked feeling too!)

Anonymous said...

"The Greatest Miracle in the World" by Og Mandino

Sara said...

I am the same way with compliments - I hate them. I always feel really uncomfortable when someone compliments me, I totally know what your saying about feeling naked from compliments! I'm trying to learn to just feel uncomfortable on the inside and say "Thank You" on the outside - it is alot easier said than done though!

jodi said...

some say these are one in the same - self-confidence and self-esteem - but i don't think the are... it takes a lot of work to accomplishment both, as well as a lot of soul-searching and a lot of patience... i truly feel that as you become more confident about things - how you look, how you do your job, how you deal w/people, how you act in public - you will then boost your self-esteem... :o)

i've never been good at compliments either but i'm trying harder at just saying, "thank you" and not "ugh, i hate my legs" or "thanks but i have a long way to go"...

Angie All The Way said...

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this area as well. For me, I always felt that I had the self-esteem even when I was 298 lbs, but I was just unhappy with being fat. I loved myself, but hated being fat. Now that I'm (I dare say) not fat anymore, I find that I am more likely to compare myself with the other people around me. I NEVER used to do this. I think it's because I never thought I was even comparable before and now that I'm closer in size, I feel more likely to be criticized by them. Is this possible?

I tend to be more shy about compliments etc now and I don't really like loads of attention to it. It was great in the beginning of the process of weight loss because you really need those NSV's to keep you going, but now I sort of feel embarrassed by them too. And like you, I could talk talk talk anyone's ear off about weight loss, but get on the side of compliments etc. and I start to get uncomfortable.

Melissa said...

I totally get you girl! Your are lightyears ahead of me in all your accomplishments, but even in my little progress I have a hard time hearing others. I think it is cool that I am now wearing two sizes smaller clothes and some days I feel thin. But on other days I compare myself to others and still think of myself as too big. You should be so proud of all you have done. You are an inspiration to me that is for sure!!
Mel

Shirls said...

what I love about reading your blog is that so often I feel like your in my head thinking what I think but get it out and express it better... hopefully that answers the "similar outlook" part :)

Mandy said...

"get outta my head" :) Yup, totally.

Shrunk said...

Geesh, I had no idea that you have tummy issues. Your stomache looks so nice and flat in your pic! But can I ever hear you there, mine is big time scarey. I don't think I'll ever be able to take a compliment. I was thin before and I still couldn't handle it then. It just goes to show that we have to work on the inside as much as the outside. It's all mental.

TrixieBelden said...

Hey there, I need your advice ...

I've been worrying lately about loose skin related to weight loss, but I haven't seen many bloggers talk about it and they NEVER talk about stuff like that at WW. Is loose skin caused by the total amount you lose or how fast you lose it? I haven't been able to find a definitive answer to that question. I've lost about 50 lbs. in 8-1/2 months and I have about another 35 to go, but my weight loss has started to speed up. Should I slow it down to try to avoid loose skin, or is it a lost cause? Would you mind emailing me at trixiebelden2006 at yahoo dot com so we could talk more about it?

I know what you mean about self-confidence and compliments. It always freaks me out if people want to actually have a conversation about my weight loss. One time I was okay with it and started giving more information and then everyone else in the group shut up and got uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. Go figure!

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