2/7/07

I'm deathly afraid...

  • to cancel my WW online membership even though I've stopped using the tracker faithfully. i write all of my food down in a hard cover journal and look up point values in the new books i purchased and the databases i have in my treo. I feel like it would be giving up on the thing that has made me who i am today.
  • of losing the memories of being larger and truly appreciating how far I've come. I was cursing at having to buy ANOTHER new winter jacket because my other one was NOT keeping me warm and had to REMIND myself of the terrible rashes I used to get in the folds of my skin from sweating so bad. These are things I forget so easily now yet I used to cry myself to sleep over....
  • that I've become "sizist". I met one of the NICEST guys the other night and I can't decide if I'm hesitant to go out on a date with him because he's a bit on the chubby side....
  • that I'll be eternally single. I find that dating affects my eating/exercise schedule. I'm so accustomed to doing things MY WAY; getting up at 5:30a.m. weekdays to go the gym (when I don't go to bed angry because my roommate eats my leftovers and forget to set my alarm!!), eating right, always checking point values... I've found the guys I've dated in the past year don't get it and will ask me if i plan on doing this for the "rest of my life"? - yes, I might have to in some way, shape or form - it comes with the package, so you're going to have to accept it.
  • that I'm a few "weeks off" from climbing out of maintenance. People talk about taking weeks off around holidays, etc. I have before and watch my scale climb RIGHT BACK UP. It's not worth the fleeting fun. That's what it is - fleeting. Eating crap for a week does not a happy girl make. I can make better choices and still have a good time.
  • that people see me as a whiny skinny girl. I'll fix their wagon! I'll just send them a naked pic - loose skin everywhere, baby! But then you'll all be blind and no one will be around to read my blog - boourns :(

8 comments:

Jen said...

*LOL* Poor Marie!!!

I think you are just being bombarded with the mental aspect of weight loss...I think the actual weight loss is relatively easy compared to this part!!!

I hope everything works out for you, and if you like the guy give him a chance...he's not horrible for being chubby!! You know that!! Good luck Marie!! You deserve your happiness!!

NattyMcGoo said...

I'm married to a chubby guy and he treats me like a queen. Chances are chubbier guys will probably treat you more like a queen then some built babe.

I could understand how all those things are scary. The thought of "taking a few weeks off" really frightens me. I don't think I could do that because I would lose control unfortunately.

Hang in there, everything will come together.

Natalie

Shirls said...

I think you described what your looking for in a nutshell, someone who fits into what you've already got going on, understands that weight and food are never going aways as issues for people like us and that eating crap for a week doesn't make anyone happy..

jodi said...

i think if you're NOT using etools, you should cancel it, and save yourself some money... use it towards something else like a new outfit or sneakers... :o)

i'm lucky to have a b/f that understands what i'm trying to do and as a result, tries to be more healthy himself... i already got him to take frozen lunches to work so he could save $$ and he's thanked me several times...

you WILL meet someone that respects what you do - anyone that doesn't shouldn't be considered b/f material... :o)

Amuldoon said...

Hey there girl...who knew the mental battle would be a million times harder then losing the weight eh?

meredi said...

I'm sure you will find the right guy -- maybe you will find another exercise-eating-healthy addict and you two can get up at 5:30 am together :)

I too worry about becoming "sizist" though... so completely inexcusable, I know, especially with our backgrounds... but I feel myself slipping sometimes and feel like the most awful person ever. Ugh.

Anyway, I think you should follow up with the guy, he sounds great. And maybe your eating habits will rub off on him and then it won't be an issue at all! :)

~paige~ said...

marie, sister! you can alwayd re-join online but if you are that torn about it...just keep it for now.
regarding the potential date...why not do something really casual and see how it goes.
no matter who you end up dating, they will need to realize that you are a strong person and are always going to be responsible for your own health. they'll just have to deal with it.
you are definitely not a whiney girl but sister, you are a skinny girl.
btw, leafs rule

jules said...

its good you are being so honest with yourself!
about the guy, it is probably because you have changed so much, you want pple in your life that are "where you are at" mentally and physically with food., but who is to say that he might change in the future too? you never know.:)
anyways, all the best

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Canada License. Loaded Web - Global Blog & Business Directory