“Marie, don’t you blog?”

Cue my stunned face when asked that by a family member last weekend.

Right. I blog. That’s what this space is for.

*crickets*

So this is where bloggers apologize (why exactly, I’m not sure) for their absence, relay a list of excuses for not appearing in your feed reader for the last month and then regale you with adventures of their time away.

Yeah, you’re not going to find that here. I’m all about breaking the rules, as you know.

See, life has been odd the last month. Heck! It’s been odd for a lot longer than that! There’s been a lot of sadness, confusion and upheaval not necessarily for me, but the people around me. And being the weirdo I am, other people’s problems take up a big chunk of my brain and I become a bit withdrawn, spending a lot of time in my head trying to figure things out or just generally moping about.

Yes, I have become one with my couch and Netflix.

But with the bad comes the good. A lot great things have happened over the last little while to keep me occupied, had me travelling to visit people I care about and even put a smile on my face.

While I’m not necessarily bottling things up (as really I use this space for catharsis more than anything else), I’ll eventually start spewing out content again on a semi-regular basis. Just don’t look for me to have a content calendar chock full of posts to cram down your throat. When there are stories to tell, I’ll definitely share them with you.

Be certain that there will always be weight to lose, recipes to fail at and running adventures to be shared here as there are every year. But until then, I’m back to writing stories for a different audience at that place that pays my bills.

Besides, you never truly get rid of mice and they return when you least expect it. 

Time to Talk

When people ask if I’ve run a marathon, I always say yes.

When people ask what my time is, I always change the subject, clam right up or just say it was brutal.

So when I received this little reminder in the mail the other day, I decided that it’s time that I actually talk about it.

I know I’ve told you before, but my race was crappy – literally.

I made a lot of mistakes with my nutrition in the weeks leading up to it, and also the night before.

I’m convinced that I’m not Celiac but I do have some sort of insensitivity that seems to come and go. I also have a lot of issues with a LONG LIST of foods that give me migraines but choose to ignore a few of them when I feel like it.

The thing is, I’m good for the most part in avoiding my migraine triggers, I have been since I was 12, but for some strange reason I just can’t cut gluten completely out of my life. Cookies and cakes are just far too delicious.

So most of the time, I suffer silently. My stomach gets very angry with me but I try not to let anyone know.

But when I chose to eat cookies and pasta in the 24 hours leading up to the marathon, my stomach decided to stick it to me during my race.

So after several portapotty breaks and me feeling defeated from 33-39k, I eventually finish my marathon, upright but not so much on the smiley side and in the time seen in black and white on the card above.

It’s not a time of which I am proud. I KNOW I can run faster, have fewer complications and be grinning from ear-to-ear at the finish line if I finally cut these things out. But can I?

Will I?

I’m going to have to because in May 2012, I’ll be running that marathon again.

And I won’t be receiving a card like that in the mail ever again.

Do you have foods that you have to avoid in order to stay healthy?
How do you say no?

A Good Question

Why do we do it?

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More than Words

Around the age of six, I decided that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.

I remember loving every minute of creative writing time in class, having writing contests with my classmates and had a notebook and a pencil near me at all times.

Over the years, my career aspirations shifted from wanting to be a novelist to a journalist to a communicator, but the focus was always on the written word.

I’m a voracious reader, a sucker for a guy with an expansive vocabulary and cringe every time someone at work says “verbage.”

But I’ll also be the first to admit that my grammar, spelling and ability to write coherent copy has also declined in the last few years thanks to medication, laziness and age.

So given my love of language, you’d think that I could come up with a quick answer when prompted to describe herself, right? Sadly this is not the case. In fact, I find my own bio the hardest thing to write to this day.

The sad part of it all is that the first words that I want to use in describing myself can be seen as negative and only physically descriptive. I never think to highlight achievements or personality traits first – the things that actually make me unique and, well, me.

My identity and worth are more than the shell that carries me. Yes, I lament the size and shape of it constantly but I just don’t seem to be in the right head space in which to do anything about it right now. It’s great that I recognize that, but the great things about me shouldn’t be hidden beneath it. I need to focus more on the person that I am and what I put out there versus what people can see on the surface.

Clouds may hide the sun from us every now and again, but negative thoughts/words should never hide who you are from the world.

So I’ll not only focus on finding the right words to describe who I am every day, but living them out so that I don’t have to worry about painting an image of myself that pictures can easily capture.

Do you have a hard time describing yourself, especially in a positive way?
What words describe you?

 

 

Photos Source

In the last 10 years

• I completed an undergraduate degree and a postgraduate diploma
• I’ve held three different jobs for three very different organizations and was even jobless for awhile
• I’ve lived in three different places but all in the same city
• I’ve gone from over 230lbs to 135lbs
• I’ve gone from 135lbs to *coughcough*
• I’ve said good bye to people that I love
• I’ve watched friendships crumble
• I’ve watched friendships mend themselves with time
• I made new friendships that I hope will last a lifetime
• I went from couch to marathon
• I grew a whole lot of confidence even if I still act shy at times
• I’ve travelled from one coast to another to see good friends
• I’ve watched history being made all over the place
• I’ve gone on far too many dates
• I’ve laughed and cried
• And so much more

But most importantly, I’ve watched this tiny little creature turn into a beautiful young lady who never ceases to amaze me.

She was quiet and perfect the first time I held her in my arms, and the last time I did just a couple of weeks ago, she was full of energy and laughter , but now she could hug me back and completed it with an “I love you, auntie.”

Not only does my niece turning 10 make me feel old, but it has made me more reflective and also so amazed that I watched her move from crawling to walking, listened to her baby babble turn into coherent sentences and now have interesting conversations on everything from movies to why her sister is always so  miserable.

Both my nieces and my nephew are blessings and miracles, but their lifespans are also wonderful yardsticks for time gone by and a record of amazing accomplishments.

Although I’m floored by the way she has grown and transformed in her life so far, I too should be impressed with the long list of things that I have done and not dwell on the things I couldn’t do or messed up.

Sure there are regrets, missteps and lows in those 10 years, but there has also been so much happiness, success and highs over the last 3,652 days.

And I thank Syd for making them that much brighter. ♥